Warning: frustration post ahead 12 o’clock. Or actually, more like a frustration analyse attempt. Trying to prepare – or rather, repair – like a maniac for too many concerts/recordings/auditions ahead of me, frustration was one of the many inevitable steps leading to success. But as I was in the midst of it, I struck me, why do we create so much drama for ourselves? My immediate solution was a psychopathic use of cleaning products, desperately trying to obliterate the source of my humors, aka: my piano. Clearly, that didn’t work out as I hoped it would.
Finally I just stepped away from the problem, which, I admit, is hardly better. Later, just exchanging a few words with a friend, I realized that for many people, drama is necessary; as a catalyst, a stepping stone to get to another place. So why is it again that we can’t get there directly? There is the very common belief that with pain, comes growth. And since evolution is one of human life’s paramount factors, maybe we thought each other to live that pain, exactly for those reasons. Or is it just an excuse to disrespect and ignore each and every one without giving a second thought? What started out as a “technical” annoyment – ok I might’ve been a little more than annoyed – turned out to echo endlessly in my head as an entirely existential question. In a nutshell, why do we self-destroy? And in some cases, willingly, in full conscience.
But since I decided that my mental health was worth keeping, I focused my efforts on hating my piano. At least for today. Anyways, isn’t it always someone else’s – or something else’s – fault? But that raises a whole other set of questions.
Conclusion: we’re not answering any of this tonight. So, love yourself, your job (try to stay away from chemically reactive household products), your partner/friends/pet/…, and save a weekly time slot to go stand in a field alone cursing the world and everyone in it. Until you come up with something better.
